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Why The Holidays Don't Always Bring Cheer12/17/2015 December is a time of year that many individuals look forward to because of the holidays. Whether it is celebrating traditions, being around family and friends, or shorter work weeks - for the most part people enjoy this month. And while for many, this time of season is considered festive, fun and cheerful for others it can also be anxiety-provoking, depressing and emotionally exhausting. Feelings of Anxiety - Holidays often equate to engaging in family-oriented gatherings. Factors like family dynamics can result in increased anxiety for some individuals. Worrying about mom's approval of a new boyfriend/girlfriend, wondering whether dad will continue to express his disappointment in your career choice, or stressing about your sibling(s) willingness to understand how much help you really need with caring for your parents, are a few examples of situations that can provoke anxiety thereby causing a person to dread the holiday season. Feelings of Depression - This time of year can also be depressing for individuals who lack familial support, are not involved in a significant relationship or are going through a life-hardship that prevents them from celebrating the season as they normally would. And while they may choose to not celebrate, commercial advertisements and/or innocent questions like, "What are you doing for the holiday?" or "Have you finished shopping yet?" etc., can serve as a reminder of what they don't have thus causing a negative association with the holiday. Feeling Emotionally Exhausted - Last but not least, emotional exhaustion is a common feeling many individuals experience during this time of year. Sometimes the mere thought of all the planning, traveling and socializing a person will have to do to prepare is enough to bring about a cloud of gloom. In other cases, memory of last year's disorder, dysfunction or drama can serve as a blockade to feeling cheerful about the holiday. With all of that said, it is important to be aware of your feelings during this time of year and to not let it get the best of you and your ability to enjoy it or to function. Talking with friends and family you trust and/or with a therapist about your feelings can help you get to the bottom of what you are experiencing, learn ways to resolve it and hopefully make next year's holiday season a more cheerful one. Do you tend to experience any of the above when the holiday season approaches? If so, how do you deal with it? Please share your thoughts below.
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For many individuals, the ability to verbally communicate something they find upsetting can be challenging, especially when emotions get in the way. Defined by the Oxford Dictionary as a natural instinctive state of mind that results from one's mood, circumstances or relationships with others, emotions may lead to an inability to calmly, rationally and effectively communicate. Understanding why your emotions may be blocking you from effective communication is often the first step towards improving relationships. Below are a few common reasons individuals may experience difficulty in verbally communicating their thoughts... 1) Your “Guard” Is Up – for individuals who have experienced hurt, it is common for him/her to want to protect their sense of vulnerability. Having a protective layer a.k.a a "guard" may help do just that. Whether the "guard" comes in the form of an attitude or an approach towards dealing with others, the main goal is for it to shield the person from emotional pain. Therefore, instead of verbally communicating and exposing one's thoughts and feelings, an individual may instead express his/her discontent by engaging in a negative interaction. Understanding whether or not you are trying to protect yourself and knowing why you are doing so can help you identify what can trigger your negative reaction and what you can do to improve your communication style. 2) You've Only Learned One Way to Communicate – it’s not uncommon to come across individuals who believe the only way they can get their point across is by being negative. For example, some individuals will speak in a harsh tone, use demeaning language or even scream, believing that is the only way they will be "heard." For others, the thought of expressing their feelings is something they will not engage in for a variety of reasons, including if their cultural upbringing views it as being disrespectful Education and reassurance about the various ways thoughts and feelings can be communicated in a respectful manner can help to address this issue. 3) You are Being Ignored or Disregarded – there is no doubt that upon learning how to communicate effectively, one's emotions can still get the better of the situation especially if he/she feels their concerns are not being validated or addressed. Being ignored, belittled, or disregarded is something that can send almost anyone into a world of frustration. So, what should someone do in this situation? Figure out a way NOT to explode. Whether you take a break from the conversation, count to ten or express your belief of being disregarded - you essentially want to do something that will prevent your negative reactions from surfacing. Of course, this is easier said than done. Overall, most people will come across a situation where they have to communicate the frustration they are experiencing because of another person. The ability to communicate effectively relies on various factors but knowing who you are, how you function and what triggers your negative reactions can greatly help you better control your emotions so they don't take over. What techniques do you find helpful in controlling your emotions? Please share them below.
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What is Depression?8/12/2015 Depression is a term many individuals use to describe feelings of sadness, gloom and/or pessimistic thinking. Clinically speaking, depression refers to a type of mood disorder that impedes on a person's ability to function in various aspects of his/her life for a significant amount of time. Due to the impact depression can have on someone's well-being, including those around them, it is important to be aware of some of the common symptoms associated with the disorder and what to do about them. Some of the most common symptoms include:
While the above symptoms vary according to the severity of the depression, it is important to not disregard what you or someone you know is feeling. Depression, if not taken care of early enough, can serve as a blockade to getting help. As a result, many individuals who are depressed often need friends and/or family to intervene and help them get assistance. The first step in getting help is to consult with a medical professional to rule out any medical causes for the depression. Upon being evaluated by your physician, he/she may recommend seeking counseling either with a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professionals to identify any emotional/psychological causes for the problem. Depending on what is causing the depression, generally a combination of medical and psychological care is helpful. Do you have any thoughts or questions you would like to share? Please do so below.
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What Is Multiple Sclerosis?6/17/2015 Two years ago I worked at the National MS Society-NYC chapter and became familiar with the many struggles that individuals with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) face. It was during my time there, I witnessed the impact this disease has not only on the individual but also on the family and significant others, especially when such individuals are not familiar with the disease. Below is general information I believe many individuals should be aware of so as to raise awareness and increase understanding. 1) Defining Multiple Sclerosis- According to the National MS Society, "Multiple Sclerosis is considered to be an immune-mediated disease in which the body's immune system attacks the central nervous system." While the disease affects everyone differently, common symptoms include fatigue, walking difficulties, numbness or tingling, vision problems, dizziness, vertigo, cognitive changes, etc. For more information about MS-related symptoms, click here. 2) Diagnosing Multiple Sclerosis - Diagnosing MS at this time requires an extensive review of one's medical history along with a series of tests and exams that allows a physician and/or a medical team of various health care professionals to rule out other potential diagnosis. The aforementioned also allows health care professionals to find evidence that meets the current criteria for diagnosing MS. For more information regarding the diagnosis criteria and tools involved in diagnosing MS, click here. 3) Available Resources - Aside from obtaining more information about MS, various organizations offer opportunities for individuals with MS to meet one another, obtain emotional support through support groups and/or apply for financial assistance. The following organizations are just a few that can be helpful in finding available resources in your area - Multiple Sclerosis Association of America, Multiple Sclerosis Foundation, National MS Society. Being aware of the symptoms of MS, as well as the diagnosis process, can help individuals begin the journey of accessing appropriate medical treatment, obtaining any emotional and/or financial support they may need and helping their loved ones understand the physical and emotional symptoms an individual with MS may be experiencing, especially when such symptoms are not visible. Such resources and knowledge can also help to reduce stress that may otherwise cause symptoms to exacerbate. Are you aware of any other resources that can be beneficial to individuals and their families dealing with MS? If so, please share them below.
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Why Do I Take Things Personally?4/14/2015 The tendency to attribute a great amount of blame to yourself for negative encounters/outcomes rather than considering and acknowledging the role other people may play in them is a type of distorted thinking known as personalizing. While in some cases this type of thinking can cause a person to become angry and act out, in other cases it can cause a person to internalize the situation and potentially impact his/her self-esteem. If you find yourself engaging in such behavior, below are a few suggestions I often recommend to my clients to help reduce this type of thinking: 1) Question the Evidence - a technique I often encourage my clients to try is to ask him/herself, "What evidence do I have to believe this situation is completely my fault?" While this question is usually tailored to an individual's specific situation, the purpose of this question is to judge yourself based on facts versus false beliefs or your own perception. Sometimes our perception of other's actions has more to do with our experiences versus their intentions. 2) Be Cognizant of your Feelings - part of the battle in counteracting this type of distorted thinking is to be aware of when you are doing it and what you are feeling. In other words, if you don't believe you are engaging in such behavior you are not going to realize it is a problem. So, how do you identify if this is occurring? Aside from talking with a knowledgeable professional, you should pay attention to feedback you may be receiving from friends/family. If you are hearing statements like, "You just take things too personally?" or, "Don't you think you may have overreacted?," there could be a chance you are personalizing. It may also be helpful to think about past interactions to ascertain whether anyone in your life repeatedly claimed you misunderstood their intentions. 3) Identify your Triggers - knowing what gets you upset and tracing that to an insecurity, can help you overcome your personalizing behavior. Generally speaking, many individuals have insecurities or "hot buttons" that make them feel either vulnerable or on the defense. Once these insecurities have been "touched", it can cause us to react in ways we are not happy about later on. Becoming aware of what insecurities we have and what kind of interactions expose them, can help us better prepare so our emotions don't get the better of us. While the aforementioned is a brief and general description of personalization, I hope it is helpful in providing a basic understanding of what you or someone you know may be experiencing. Do you identify with anything mentioned in this post? If so, please share any suggestions/resources that have helped you or someone you know.
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Within my therapeutic practice, I often work with individuals who experience anxiety related to problems they are having in their relationship. While some individuals will question whether they should do anything different, others are unsure if they should put in any more effort. In order to help them with their uncertainty, I often encourage them to work on some of the key components I believe are important to having a healthy relationship. Communication - Being able to openly and honestly talk with your partner about what is bothering you about the relationship is vital. Without this, you may find yourself not voicing your opinion about what bothers you, which can result in your partner believing everything is fine. The problem with one person believing everything is fine is they will continue engaging in the behavior you may find troublesome thereby increasing the chances of feeling resentment or irritation with your partner. Whether you are worried about your future, your sex life, your differences, etc., it is important to bring up any issues you have so that you can both work on improving the situation and resolving the problem. Respect - Having to communicate your feelings about what may be a sensitive issue for you or your partner can be hard to do, especially if one person is hot-tempered and/or very emotional. As a result, it is important to remember to be respectful. Essentially, you want to avoid saying or doing things that you know will upset your significant other. For instance, if your loved one despises when you walk away from an argument, then don't. Or, if he/she hates when you scream then try to speak in a low, calm tone. Showing respect can also be done by refraining from accusatory statements that place all the blame on your partner as it will only cause him/her to become defensive. Being in a committed relationship, especially when the honeymoon phase is over, is without a doubt challenging. While I realize the aforementioned suggestions are "easier said than done", it is crucial to understand that with patience and understanding a lot more can be accomplished as opposed to having anger and resentment. Do you believe there are other important components to a successful/healthy relationship? If so, please share them below. .
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How Are You Sleeping?10/12/2014 One question I always make a point to ask many of my clients is, "How are you sleeping?" My main reason for doing so is to gain more insight in to what troubles or issues they may be experiencing as the result of their sleeping pattern. It is also to identify any worries or fears they may not realize they are having. The three sleep patterns that often give me an indication of an underlying problem are: 1) Trouble falling asleep - the inability to fall asleep can manifest in many different ways ranging from tossing and turning to feeling "worked up," "fully alert" or anxious. Some common culprits that can account for difficulty falling asleep can be light emanating from electronic devices like a television, a laptop, an LCD clock radio, etc. Other culprits like outside noise, an uncomfortable temperature (i.e too hot, too cold), sleeping arrangements (i.e. snoring partner, uncomfortable pillows, etc.) can also impact the ability to fall asleep. If you believe any of the aforementioned may be an issue, try experimenting with shutting off the electronics, adjusting the room temperature to one that is comfortable for you, and if possible, modifying your sleeping arrangements. 2) Trouble Staying Asleep - the inability to stay asleep can often present itself by causing a person to wake up at various hours of the night often with a sense of panic or feeling fully alert. For many of my clients, the root cause is anxiety. Depending on a person's specific situation, my recommendation often entails having clients journal their thoughts, turning around their clocks so as to prevent any additional worry that can result from keeping track of how many hours they have left to sleep, and/or breathing exercises. 3) Sleeping Too Much - if the desire to stay in bed all day is combined with a sense of despair, gloom, and/or lack of motivation that are atypical of your usual routine, then it is important to identify whether depression may be to blame. Any changes in sleep, eating, weight and mood can be indications of a serious problem which need to be addressed so as to prevent it from getting worse. To learn more on how to get help for depression or to help someone who is depressed, click here. Overall, it is my belief that sleep is an extremely powerful tool that can help us restore the energy we have used up throughout the day. I also personally believe it can help our recovery process, improve our mood and can provide insight in to what we may be struggling with. So, how are you sleeping and what are your personal thoughts about its importance for your well-being? Feel free to share below.
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For some family caregivers, finding themselves in the crossroads of caring for a parent and a partner can exacerbate the caregiving experience to a level that many others are unable to comprehend. Aside from learning how to manage and cope with a parent's illness, having to deal with a partner's health concerns can cause a loved one to feel even more isolated, depressed, anxious, etc., especially if their partner is the person they regularly turned to for emotional support and comfort. Managing, coping and maintaining are all ideas that can seem so foreign during this period but learning new strategies and continuing to utilize strategies that have worked is crucial. Below are a few strategies that often prove beneficial to family caregivers I've worked with... 1) Prioritize - part of being able to get through this difficult time is being able to identify what needs to come first, what can come second and what can be delegated to someone else. Without doing so, your world can suddenly seem as if it is crashing down all at the same time. Begin by identifying which days of the week are critical for you to be with your parent vs. your partner, and identifying which tasks need to be handled by you vs. handled by other individuals. Doing so can help maximize the quality time you have with your loved ones as opposed to spending it doing things that impede on that time (i.e. going to the pharmacy, grocery store, etc.) 2) Recognize Your Limitations - It is okay if you can't do it all because chances are, you can't! Asking for help, taking a break and accepting the fact that you are not a superhero are some of the challenges many family caregivers struggle with. This is generally the case when family and/or societal pressures are causing them to feel otherwise. After identifying some of the responsibilities you have, which you would love for someone else to do, the next step is to identify any individuals and resources that can help with those tasks and ask them. While it may, at first, seem like there is nothing/no one that can help, don't be so quick to make that conclusion. While you may have no one in your immediate family/social circle, don't discount the help you may be able to receive from your neighbors, local religious organizations and community agencies. Many family caregivers I've worked with are often surprised at how much is actually out there and in many cases often find out about the services after the fact. 3) Eat Well, Sleep Well and Cherish the Little Moments - There is a lot to be said about the power of good sleep, healthy eating and being appreciative. The amount of energy you exert in any given day to care for someone else is energy that has to be restored. Without tapping in to regenerating sources like sleep, nutrition and positivity, you are losing energy and will end up running on low. Thus, ultimately impacting how much you can physically and emotionally give to caring for your loved ones. While there are many techniques that can be utilized to enhance sleeping and eating habits, the first step is to acknowledge their importance and be proactive about incorporating it in to your routine. The same holds true for appreciating the positive things in your life, no matter how small. Are you caring for a parent and a significant other? How are you managing? Please share any insight or questions you have below. I also welcome any questions you may have. |