How Can I Build My Self-Confidence?

6/17/2014

One common theme among clients I work with is low confidence. For some, low confidence can affect career goals, friendships and intimate relationships. Low confidence can cause a person to feel inadequate, care too much about what others think, and disbelieve or discredit compliments he/she receives. Below are a few recommendations that have the potential to boost your confidence.

1) Create an Accolade List - One recommendation I suggest to individuals who are struggling to remember the positive qualities they have is to create a list of positive feedback they have received. Whether it is about your work or personal life, listing your current and past accomplishments and the praise you received can help lift your spirits and remind you about the good you have to offer to others when doubt begins to surface. Keeping the list handy and referring to it frequently is key, especially when you are feeling down.

2) Pay Attention - nowadays we are so connected and involved with our devices that taking a moment to explore our surroundings is often considered a luxury. For those clients who believe no one is interested in them, I often challenge them to take a moment to remove his/her ear buds, look up from his/her phone and observe his/her environment. The purpose of this exercise is to get them to take notice of things they may have not realized is happening around them (i.e. the person admiring them from afar, positive comments from a passerby, etc.)

3) Increase Positivity, Decrease Negativity - building one's confidence takes time and insight. Tapping in to what makes you feel good about yourself, healthy eating, quality sleep and surrounding yourself with positive people are all key ingredients to making you feel your best. Positive people who support who you are and are willing to help you become a better person are essential to improving your self-confidence. Surrounding yourself with negative people, on the other hand, may make you feel weird like an outcast and/or unworthy; Attributes that can ultimately hinder your confidence and self-esteem.

The road to building your confidence is not smooth and sometimes there are some road blocks. The above suggestions can help start the journey. Have these suggestions worked for you? Do you have anything else you would recommend to someone who is trying to build his/her confidence? Please share your comments below.

6 Comments

Paul Turner link

6/25/2014 03:57:20 am

The way I see my life these days, there are a few things I lack in personal accomplishments-for now, anyway-which make it pretty hard for me to be self-confident. Saying that, I've never seen myself as a candidate for depression. I do try to focus on the things in my life that make me smile inside, and thus feel self-confident.

I believe all 3 points you list are indeed vital to achieve self-confidence. The only challenge I make is about point #3. I believe in the concept of surrounding oneself with positive people, to boost self-confidence, yet what happens when the positive-minded person becomes turned off or depressed with the negative person, feeling he/she is not the positive influence he/she hoped to be? As I consider myself more of a positive person than negative, this is something I've been through a few times.

Thank you for this report. I believe this should help a person of ANY type-positive or negative. In this regard, it's good to "cover all bases".

Christine M. Valentin link

6/25/2014 05:09:34 am

Hi Paul,

Thank you for commenting. You are right with regard to the positive person sometimes becoming depressed/not as positive when surrounded by a negative person. Whenever I find myself in such a situation, I find a way to limit my interactions, if possible, as too much negativity can be draining. The key to doing so is first being to identify the negativity and then finding an appropriate way to limit the doses of it, especially if the person is a relative or close acquaintance. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it can be done. I hope that answers your question and thanks again!

Ron Copen

7/4/2014 02:35:38 am

I like your suggestions and believe that all would be beneficial and as discussed, number three is probably most difficult since interactions are often beyond our control such as in the workplace, school or other settings that require interactions, even something as innocuous as a rude store clerk can cause some to question their worth or what they did wrong.
If I may, I would like to add an additional approach. Re-frame and reconstruct goals and accomplishments. Even when confronted with a client who had made an effort but failed miserably, I seek the small victory, reinforce it, re-frame the experience to being one of progression not failure. I do NOT mean to lie to the client about the experience, dismissing the failure, but rather to utilize it to allow the client to feel some success because he made the effort and is now learning from it. Just a thought.

7/9/2014 07:52:38 am

Hi Ron, thank you for contributing and I must say, I agree with your recommendation. I personally believe every experience/interaction is an opportunity for us to learn something about who we are as well as who others are. Sometimes it is not always easy to see but that is where therapy can sometimes help. Thanks again!

Celeste Sullivan, RN,MAPC,LCPC

9/15/2014 01:37:12 am

I like your comments, but would like to add that the "negative" person may be going through a hard time and need your support. Too often, one is rejected when one needs empathy to get through a tough time. Listening can be very healing, if we take our mind off ourselves to help another. Of course, the chronic complainer is another story and can become too dependent. We need to balance care for ourselves with care for others.

9/15/2014 03:02:19 am

Hi Celeste,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and you are right, the negative person may be going through a hard time and may need our support. Helping others in their time of need can not only boost their spirit but can also help us feel better about who we are especially in our capability to help others. Thank you again!

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