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Why Am I Anxious About Confrontation?3/22/2018  Confrontation is an act many of us have engaged in as the result of trying to resolve a problem. For some people, confrontation is a normal part of the problem-solving process while for others it is something avoided at all costs. While there are many reasons one chooses to avoid confrontation, the root cause is usually the same - it produces anxiety. Below are a few reasons some people experience anxiety with regard to confrontation.
Fear of Being Disliked - voicing your opinion about what you feel is justified or fair ultimately means that the person sitting across from you may not like what they hear. As a result, they may not like you. For some individuals who want to be liked, need to be liked or simply do not want to ruin a relationship, forgoing a confrontation is viewed as the best way to maintain stability. Afraid of Arguing - some individuals avoid confrontation for fear it will turn into a verbal altercation filled with angry outbursts and harsh words. For people who are afraid of arguing, the refusal to confront someone else is generally rooted in the desire to avoid a verbal fight. As a result, such individuals will generally concede to what is asked of them as opposed to saying otherwise -thereby leaving themselves open to being taken advantage of. Inability to Articulate Thoughts - being involved in a confrontation often means emotions can get the better of you and impede on your ability to get your point across. Depending on who you are speaking with, this could lead to a person disregarding what you are saying. Should this happen frequently enough, it has the potential to cause a person to believe that expressing his/her thoughts is useless. Confronting another individual can be hard for many people to do, especially if they are experiencing anxiety in relation to the reasons described above. And while some people will exhibit this type of behavior without any immediate consequences, the truth is, long-term avoidance may ultimately lead to getting taken advantage of, not achieving your goals and being unhappy. With some help, however, it is possible to learn new ways to overcome these issues so that you can be happy and get what you deserve out of life. Do you have other reasons you would like to share about why someone may avoid confrontation? Or maybe you have overcome your own avoidance of confrontation? Please share your thoughts and/or stories below.
9 Comments
Teresa Ngigi
3/11/2013 11:38:58 am
Thanks for the above points. I also think that people avoid confrontation because of cultural upbringing. For instance, I was brought up in an environment where confrontation was constantly frowned at, and if one was involved, they were considered disrespectful. For this reason, confrontation was always looked at negatively, a way of lording it over people, and having a disregard for others. In a society where "I am because we are" mentality thrives, appearing to lord it over others is discouraged under all costs. 3/12/2013 02:44:27 am
You are absolutely correct in saying that culture plays a huge role in confrontation. Thank you for pointing that out!
hatice
3/12/2013 08:26:06 pm
thank you very much for your valuable sharing with us. In my opinion people avoid confrontation because of fear. You have also mention it above, fear plays an important role in inter and intra relationship and confrontation as well. 3/12/2013 11:51:43 pm
Hi Hatice, 3/13/2013 09:22:58 am
Thanks for your blog post. I often find that lack of confrontation is an attempt to preserve the relationship. It can be similar to the child who stole the cookie (obviously to the parent) and lies because he/she wants a good relationship with the parents. So, non-confrontation has its good side, but often gets just the opposite response and might escalate conflict more than confrontation would have in the first place. Following the cycle through with a client often helps them break the cycle. 3/13/2013 12:02:22 pm
Thanks to the author for the article. A very interesting question was raised. I believe that avoiding confrontation is associated with fear. But here it is necessary to understand the nature of fear. Undoubtedly plays a vital role and raise children by parents, social environment (teachers, teachers, relatives and friends), as well as cultural characteristics, traditions macro environment. For example, the mother of the child punished for an act he did not commit, and the more the child tried to make excuses, the more angry mother. With every word a child my mother more and more accused him of lying, increasing the penalty. Later, a child learns that a confrontation is useless, no matter how much it is not justified, it can not be heard, but only further punished for arguing with an adult. In such a relationship with an adult significant role in shaping the avoidance of confrontation, is the humiliation, abandonment and loneliness. If the child is accompanied by punishment humiliation, offense are in the presence of other people (eg, at school before classmates), then later in a child who is so punished, can form the fear of being humiliated. A different situation, for example, when the conflict took place in a children's groups. A child entering the war of words was hoping to support the people around him, stand on his side, but this has not happened. The child feels abandoned, lonely, frustrated, and it seems that it all had been betrayed. This adult can avoid situations of confrontation, to again feel lonely, abandoned, frustrated. Thus, the reason is to avoid any conflict or stressful situation a number of situations where a person in a confrontation was in the position of "loser" and felt a sense of helplessness, abandonment, humiliation, shame. 3/16/2013 12:30:15 pm
The reasons for not wanting to get involved in confrontation are certainly valid. To overcome the anxiety of confrontation involves many skills to be learned and mastered. Knowledge of what conflict is, its elements and how to deal with it through communication and understanding is something I believe can produce confidence and empower people and reduce the anxiety conflict causes. I have been teaching a college course in a dispute resolution program for nine years in this area and am in the process of writing a textbook to be used in dispute resolution programs.
Teeresa Ngigi
3/17/2013 08:48:57 pm
Hi David, could you kindly give me your website? I would be interested to venture further into this topic. Thanks a bunch. Teresa 3/18/2013 02:53:45 am
Hi Dave, Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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