How Can I Show Love to my Child? Part 2

Photo by Sai De Silva

In February's blog post, I mentioned how difficult it can be to show affection and love to our children as they get older. And to be clear, when I say get older, I´m referring to children who are no longer infants. Such children are now more vocal about their needs, expressive with their discontent and can reject us in ways that sometimes trigger us. In that blog post, I highlighted four games that focus on eye contact that can bring a sense of connection and joy between you and your child. Check it out here if you haven´t already read it. 

This month´s post will feature games that emphasize touch. Why is touch so important for a child and for us as human beings? Aside from the research that highlights how infants actually thrive when touched, nurturing touch allows us to feel connected and loved. Try to remember the last time you received a welcoming, embracing hug from your child or another loved one. Or the time you held your child's hand to stroll down the street. Or, how about the last time you got a high five or a fist pump with a proud energy behind it? These are the touches I'm referring to. They come with loving energy that helps us connect with each other.

Unfortunately, however, these are some of the first things we can forget to do when life gets busy and our children become more independent. So, below are a few games/activities you can do to help foster this sense of connection. Test them out and feel free to let me know how they worked for you. 

• Ms. Mary Mack - do you remember playing this one? This can be a fun game for a child 3 and older. While the hand motions can be a little tricky for the younger ones, try modifying it by going slower and maybe not crossing your hand. Think Patty Cake style. 

 

• Pat-A-Cake - this a a classic song that is played with babies as young as infancy and can be modified for older kids by speeding it up and making it more challenging. 

 

• Rock, Paper, Scissors- this game is great for kids 7+ who get the concept. This game doesn't really facilitate touching each other but it does help two people stand close to each other and establish eye contact. You can bring touch into it by giving a high five, fist pump or hug to the winner.   

 

• Down, Down Baby - this one is a personal favorite of mine from childhood. It can be played with two people or with a group. The singing, rhythm, movement and the challenge of remembering the moves can make for a fun time full of laughs. 

 

• Hand Squeeze - In this game, you hold your child's hand as you walk down the street or are shopping. The adult then gently squeezes the child's hand in a pattern so that the child can then copy the pattern. Start off by making two quick gentle squeezes. In my experience, the child will inevitably copy without the adult having to say anything.  I personally like to play this game when I find myself talking with another adult and I'm holding my child's hand. As I'm talking to the adult, I squeeze her hand in a pattern to let her know I'm still with her even though my attention is directed to someone else. She then follows suit. It is like having our own little secret game.  

As in my previous post I will offer a word of caution:  some children are sensitive to touch. For some, touch can be too ticklish which can dysregulate them.  For others, the proximity of having someone close to them may be triggering. If you find your child is not playing along and instead tries to hit you or to turn it into a different game, it could be a sign that they are uncomfortable. Try instead the eye contact games I mentioned in my previous post or if you believe it is better, don't play at all. 

Stay tune for next month's post where I will be sharing activities that focus on words of affirmation. 
​
Thank you for reading. 

---