3 Ways to Build Your Self-Confidence

8/21/2019

Having low confidence/self-esteem is something many people struggle with, especially in this social media era. Feeling as if you are not good enough, caring too much about what others think, discrediting and/or minimizing compliments you receive are just a few ways low confidence manifests itself. Building your confidence isn't impossible. It does require practice and in some cases, guidance from others. Below are a few tips I often share with my clients to help them build their confidence.

1) Create an Accomplishment List - if you struggle to remember your positive qualities, then it is time to create a list of positive feedback you receive. Whether it is about your grades, your cooking, sense of style, personality, career, etc., listing your current and past accomplishments can help lift your spirits. This list is meant to keep handy. So, when you are feeling unworthy or "down" about yourself, review it and remind yourself how great you are doing.

2) Pay Attention and Interact - nowadays we are so connected and involved with our devices that taking a moment to explore our surroundings is often considered a luxury. If you believe, even for one second, that no one is interested in you, I challenge you to take a moment to disconnect from your device, remove your earbuds and observe your environment. The purpose of this challenge is to get you to take notice of the things around you and the connections that are currently being made (i.e. other people smiling, people saying hello, strangers helping strangers, etc.). Yes, that sounds like something out of a movie, but it is happening. It is through connection with others that we often feel good about ourselves. Have you ever noticed the difference you feel after coming back from hanging out with friends vs. "hanging out" online? If not, start paying attention and add hanging out with family & friends part of this challenge.

3) Increase Positivity, Decrease Negativity - building your confidence takes practice and insight. Knowing what you like and dislike, sticking to your truth regardless of what others may think are key ingredients to building your confidence. Eating well, developing good sleep habits and surrounding yourself with positive people are all crucial to this equation too. People who support who you are and are willing to help support your true self can work wonders. Surrounding yourself with negative people/things, on the other hand, may make you feel like an outcast and/or unworthy; Attributes that can ultimately hinder your confidence and self-esteem. So, minimize how much you surround yourself with negativity and focus on being around things that put a smile on your face.

These three tips are by no means end all, be all of building confidence but they can be a great place to start. The road to building your confidence is not easy and sometimes there are some road blocks, but, it is possible. Good luck!

6 Comments

Paul Turner link

6/25/2014 03:57:20 am

The way I see my life these days, there are a few things I lack in personal accomplishments-for now, anyway-which make it pretty hard for me to be self-confident. Saying that, I've never seen myself as a candidate for depression. I do try to focus on the things in my life that make me smile inside, and thus feel self-confident.

I believe all 3 points you list are indeed vital to achieve self-confidence. The only challenge I make is about point #3. I believe in the concept of surrounding oneself with positive people, to boost self-confidence, yet what happens when the positive-minded person becomes turned off or depressed with the negative person, feeling he/she is not the positive influence he/she hoped to be? As I consider myself more of a positive person than negative, this is something I've been through a few times.

Thank you for this report. I believe this should help a person of ANY type-positive or negative. In this regard, it's good to "cover all bases".

Christine M. Valentin link

6/25/2014 05:09:34 am

Hi Paul,

Thank you for commenting. You are right with regard to the positive person sometimes becoming depressed/not as positive when surrounded by a negative person. Whenever I find myself in such a situation, I find a way to limit my interactions, if possible, as too much negativity can be draining. The key to doing so is first being to identify the negativity and then finding an appropriate way to limit the doses of it, especially if the person is a relative or close acquaintance. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it can be done. I hope that answers your question and thanks again!

Ron Copen

7/4/2014 02:35:38 am

I like your suggestions and believe that all would be beneficial and as discussed, number three is probably most difficult since interactions are often beyond our control such as in the workplace, school or other settings that require interactions, even something as innocuous as a rude store clerk can cause some to question their worth or what they did wrong.
If I may, I would like to add an additional approach. Re-frame and reconstruct goals and accomplishments. Even when confronted with a client who had made an effort but failed miserably, I seek the small victory, reinforce it, re-frame the experience to being one of progression not failure. I do NOT mean to lie to the client about the experience, dismissing the failure, but rather to utilize it to allow the client to feel some success because he made the effort and is now learning from it. Just a thought.

7/9/2014 07:52:38 am

Hi Ron, thank you for contributing and I must say, I agree with your recommendation. I personally believe every experience/interaction is an opportunity for us to learn something about who we are as well as who others are. Sometimes it is not always easy to see but that is where therapy can sometimes help. Thanks again!

Celeste Sullivan, RN,MAPC,LCPC

9/15/2014 01:37:12 am

I like your comments, but would like to add that the "negative" person may be going through a hard time and need your support. Too often, one is rejected when one needs empathy to get through a tough time. Listening can be very healing, if we take our mind off ourselves to help another. Of course, the chronic complainer is another story and can become too dependent. We need to balance care for ourselves with care for others.

9/15/2014 03:02:19 am

Hi Celeste,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and you are right, the negative person may be going through a hard time and may need our support. Helping others in their time of need can not only boost their spirit but can also help us feel better about who we are especially in our capability to help others. Thank you again!

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