How Do I Hold It Together?

Photo by Nik Shuliahin

There's no denying that being a parent is hard, especially when we are worried about the World, our jobs, our family, our safety, ...the list goes on and on. Whatever you are consumed with, the end result is we are often stretched thin and sometimes have very little to give.

One area of concern I often hear from parents is a desire to give more to their child but many times not having anything left as they are barely holding it together.

If you are such a parent, read on for some tips on being able to hold it together.

1) ​Acknowledge Your Feelings of Uncertainty - with numerous unknowns in the world today, responding to our children’s questions can be anxiety-inducing and exhausting. If your child is anxious and has ongoing questions, it usually stems from the unpredictability of whatever their current circumstances is as it can evoke feelings of threat and insecurity. Consequently, these emotions may trigger us to get angry, sad, or anxious. If you’re experiencing these feelings, your child might be feeling similarly. The first step is to acknowledge that you are not alone in feeling scared and unsafe, just like many others around you.

2) Identify and Name your Emotion - identifying and naming how you feel can be extremely helpful in being able to "keep it together." As adults, we often don't allow ourselves to pay attention to how we feel and fess up to it. I'm talking about feelings like sad, mad, scared and worried - core emotions we all experience as humans. Engaging in distracting responsibilities like work, school, cleaning, scrolling, etc., is something we often do to ignore how we feel. Unfortunately, doing so ultimately does a disservice to your mind, body and spirit.   

3) Express Yourself - another key to keeping it together is, ironically enough, letting your feelings out. Doing so can look like talking about your feelings to someone who can validate you instead of dismissing you. It can also look like energetically releasing the emotion. In other words, do you slam  something, scream when you are angry, dance, cry, sing or lounge around when you are sad? 

Expressing your feelings verbally or physically, can be a great way to make sure your feelings don't get stuck. Not sure where to get started? I often recommend hitting things like a pillow, couch or beds, squeezing the heck out of a squishy ball. Do you our your child have fidget toys? If so, feel free to play with any fidget that may be throwable and squeezable. These often can be used to release anger. 

For feelings of sadness, try staying in your pj's/comfy clothes all day, order in, and/or indulge in your favorite show. This last one can be done with or without your child - whatever allows you to feel connected with yourself. Need a good cry? Cue up the music that makes you ball and have a good deep cry. Journaling your emotions can also help with feelings of sadness and anger. 

In summary, sometimes life sucks to say the least! There can be so much unpredictability and when we don't know what to expect, it messes with our sense of safety. Aside from getting triggered, let's not forget the parent guilt that hovers over us especially when we see our child(ren) suffering.

As a human who is caring for another human, be kind to yourself and know that being able to take time to read this post shows you are already on the path of "keeping it together". 

I wish you strength and compassion on your parenting journey. 

Thank you for reading. 

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Christine M. Valentín is a Registered Play Therapist™ who helps children 3-8 reduce their tantrums, Parents- improve their parenting skills and Adults - reduce their worry about an aging parent. As a Latina therapist, with 15 years of private practice experience, Christine loves helping people become a more confident version of themselves and develop better relationships within their family. To read her other blog posts, click here. Christine is also passionate about educating parents and mental health professionals. To learn about upcoming workshops and parent educational recordings, click here.