Having low confidence/self-esteem is something many people struggle with, especially in this social media era. Feeling as if you are not good enough, caring too much about what others think, discrediting and/or minimizing compliments you receive are just a few ways low confidence manifests itself. Building your confidence isn't impossible. It does require practice and in some cases, guidance from others. Below are a few tips I often share with my clients to help them build their confidence.
1) Create an Accomplishment List - if you struggle to remember your positive qualities, then it is time to create a list of positive feedback you receive. Whether it is about your grades, your cooking, sense of style, personality, career, etc., listing your current and past accomplishments can help lift your spirits. This list is meant to keep handy. So, when you are feeling unworthy or "down" about yourself, review it and remind yourself how great you are doing.
2) Pay Attention and Interact - nowadays we are so connected and involved with our devices that taking a moment to explore our surroundings is often considered a luxury. If you believe, even for one second, that no one is interested in you, I challenge you to take a moment to disconnect from your device, remove your earbuds and observe your environment. The purpose of this challenge is to get you to take notice of the things around you and the connections that are currently being made (i.e. other people smiling, people saying hello, strangers helping strangers, etc.). Yes, that sounds like something out of a movie, but it is happening. It is through connection with others that we often feel good about ourselves. Have you ever noticed the difference you feel after coming back from hanging out with friends vs. "hanging out" online? If not, start paying attention and add hanging out with family & friends part of this challenge.
3) Increase Positivity, Decrease Negativity - building your confidence takes practice and insight. Knowing what you like and dislike, sticking to your truth regardless of what others may think are key ingredients to building your confidence. Eating well, developing good sleep habits and surrounding yourself with positive people are all crucial to this equation too. People who support who you are and are willing to help support your true self can work wonders. Surrounding yourself with negative people/things, on the other hand, may make you feel like an outcast and/or unworthy; Attributes that can ultimately hinder your confidence and self-esteem. So, minimize how much you surround yourself with negativity and focus on being around things that put a smile on your face.
These three tips are by no means end all, be all of building confidence but they can be a great place to start. The road to building your confidence is not easy and sometimes there are some road blocks, but, it is possible. Good luck!
Confrontation is an act many of us have engaged in as the result of trying to resolve a problem. For some people, confrontation is a normal part of the problem-solving process while for others it is something avoided at all costs. While there are many reasons one chooses to avoid confrontation, the root cause is usually the same - it produces anxiety. Below are a few reasons some people experience anxiety with regard to confrontation.
Fear of Being Disliked - voicing your opinion about what you feel is justified or fair ultimately means that the person sitting across from you may not like what they hear. As a result, they may not like you. For some individuals who want to be liked, need to be liked or simply do not want to ruin a relationship, forgoing a confrontation is viewed as the best way to maintain stability.
Afraid of Arguing - some individuals avoid confrontation for fear it will turn into a verbal altercation filled with angry outbursts and harsh words. For people who are afraid of arguing, the refusal to confront someone else is generally rooted in the desire to avoid a verbal fight. As a result, such individuals will generally concede to what is asked of them as opposed to saying otherwise -thereby leaving themselves open to being taken advantage of.
Inability to Articulate Thoughts - being involved in a confrontation often means emotions can get the better of you and impede on your ability to get your point across. Depending on who you are speaking with, this could lead to a person disregarding what you are saying. Should this happen frequently enough, it has the potential to cause a person to believe that expressing his/her thoughts is useless.
Confronting another individual can be hard for many people to do, especially if they are experiencing anxiety in relation to the reasons described above. And while some people will exhibit this type of behavior without any immediate consequences, the truth is, long-term avoidance may ultimately lead to getting taken advantage of, not achieving your goals and being unhappy. With some help, however, it is possible to learn new ways to overcome these issues so that you can be happy and get what you deserve out of life.
Do you have other reasons you would like to share about why someone may avoid confrontation? Or maybe you have overcome your own avoidance of confrontation? Please share your thoughts and/or stories below.
Christine M. Valentin
Welcome to my blog where I provide tips on feeling more hopeful and in control of your parenting life.