Uplifting the Sandwich Generation: Common Challenges, and Tips to Overcome Them

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Many of you may know me as a Registered Play therapist. But, if you’ve been following me since the start of my practice in 2014, then you know that I also specialize in working with adult children caring for an aging parent - family caregivers.

Over the last few years, as I’ve found myself personally coming into the family caregiver role, I’ve become more familiar with the unique struggles of the sandwich generation. 

For those of you who don’t know, the sandwich generation is defined as individuals who are caring for dependent children while also tending to their parent’s needs. More about this later. 

For those of us who are in this role, caregiving can feel like a constant balancing act. We’re not just raising our children; we’re also supporting our aging parents, and that can take a toll in ways that people don’t fully understand unless they’ve lived it.

Hence, why it’s an important priority of mine to support not just young children and their parents but adult children and their parents. Having worked with both sides, it is uncanny to me how similar the core issues are between both populations and unfortunately, for caregivers, how little support there seems to be out there. 

That’s why moving forward, I’ll be alternating between child-focused and caregiver-focused topics on this blog.

My hope is to help my readers learn to identify and support the needs of their loved ones, build boundaries around your own needs, and hopefully reduce the “wear and tear” that your loved one’s challenging behaviors can take on your well-being. 

So today, I want to focus on you — the caregivers, the ones holding it all together… the ones who often don’t get the same level of support that they’re constantly giving to others.

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What is the sandwich generation?

The sandwich generation is called this because we’re literally “sandwiched” between two groups of people who need our care: our aging parents and our children. 

According to the Pew Research Center, nearly half of all adults in their 40s and 50s have at least one parent aged 65 and over, as well as a child who’s financially dependent on them. And over 11 million of us provide support to both our parents and our children. We aren’t a small group. 

And the pressures of belonging to the sandwich generation are growing. This is partly due to the fact that so many young adults today are continuing to need their parents’ support, especially financial support, after they turn 18.

So we’re taking care of our children for longer and longer, even after previous generations might have “graduated” from those parental responsibilities. On top of that, people are living longer in general — which is great, but also means that we take care of our parents for longer as well.

This isn’t anyone’s fault, and it isn’t even necessarily a “bad” thing — but it does put extra pressure on those of us who are sandwiched in between.

Common challenges of the sandwich generation

Here are some of the most common challenges I hear about from family caregivers who are part of the sandwich generation:

• Emotional exhaustion: Balancing the emotional needs of both your parents and children can feel overwhelming. You might feel pulled in opposite directions, trying to meet everyone’s needs while struggling to find time for yourself.

• Financial strain: Supporting two generations often comes with significant financial pressures. Whether it’s helping pay for your child’s summer camps/college tuition or managing your parent’s medical bills, these costs can add up quickly.

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• Time management: With so many responsibilities, it can feel like there’s never enough time in the day. You might find yourself missing out on personal time, hobbies, time with your partner, or even basic self-care.

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• Role confusion: Switching between the roles of “parent” to your child(ren) and “caregiver” to your parents can be disorienting. It might feel like you’re constantly shifting gears, which can be emotionally draining.

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• Health impacts: The stress of caregiving can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Many caregivers report experiencing burnout, anxiety, or health problems as a result of their responsibilities.

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• Social isolation: With so much of your time devoted to caregiving, it’s easy to feel disconnected from friends, coworkers, or even your partner.

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• Guilt about feeling burdened: It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or even resentful at times. But for many caregivers, these feelings can come with so much guilt, like you’re not allowed to feel anything but gratitude for your family. This guilt can make it even harder to ask for help or acknowledge your own needs.

If any of these resonate with you, know that you’re not alone. These challenges are incredibly common, and there are some steps you can consider implementing to ease the burden.

How to cope

I get it — being part of the sandwich generation is overwhelming. And while there might not be a way to make the pressure go away altogether, there are ways to cope that can help you navigate this challenging season of life.

Set boundaries and communicate your needs

Boundaries are essential when you’re balancing the needs of so many people. This might mean setting limits with your parents, child(ren), or even your workplace so that you can preserve some time and energy for yourself.

For example:

• Let your parent(s) know specific times when you’re available to help and when you’re not.*

• Be clear with your child(ren) about expectations around independence, especially if they’re young adults.

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• Advocate for flexible work arrangements if your job allows it.

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• Talk with your friends, sibling(s), partner about how they can support you (i.e. make dinner, take the kid(s) out so you can get some quiet time, etc.)   

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish — it’s a way to make sure you’re protecting your time and energy so you can show up fully for the people who depend on you. 

* If your parent has dementia, this suggestion may not be doable depending on their stage within the disease, but it can be extremely helpful for you to set aside specific days and times you know you are available to help out with medical appointments, bill paying, food shopping, etc. 

Find small moments for self-care

I know — the last thing you need is someone telling you to “just practice self-care.” That type of advice can sound cliche, and can even sound minimizing. But hear me out. When your basic needs aren’t met, it’s harder to manage stress. Self-care doesn’t have to mean spa days or weekend getaways (although if you can manage those, more power to you!).

Try to redefine self-care to just mean finding small moments in your day to recharge. This might look like:

• Taking 10 minutes to drink your coffee or reading peace before everyone else wakes up.

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• Meditating, reading or listening to spiritual/religious teachings
  

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• Prioritizing sleep, nutrition and hydration.

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• Practicing deep breathing when you feel overwhelmed.

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• Stepping outside for a quick walk or some fresh air to clear your mind 

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• Calling someone you can rely on to just let you vent

These little moments might not feel like much, but they can add up over time and help you feel more grounded. It’s just about making sure that those basic needs are met to set yourself up for success.

Build a support network

Ideally, you don’t need to be caregiving on your own, all the time. Leaning on a support network can make a world of difference. Try to find people you can rely on, if you can. This could include:

• Sibling(s)s or other family members who can share caregiving responsibilities.

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• Friends who understand what you’re going through.

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• Support groups for family caregivers.

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• Neighbors who have cared for a loved one.

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• Parent friends, spiritual or religious communities, etc. 

If you’re feeling stretched too thin, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

​If there’s no one in your life, you might look into caregiver support or relief programs in your area. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can lighten at least the emotional load, if not financial.

And don’t forget, a therapist can be an important part of your support network as well!

Acknowledge your feelings

So many of us are reluctant to acknowledge that we feel overwhelmed or even burdened by the responsibilities of taking care of everyone.

​Depending on the culture and family you come from, taking care of others might have been taught to you from a very young age as something that’s simply to be expected of you. This is especially true for females, although it can apply to anyone.

So you might feel guilty for being overwhelmed or burdened, or even resentful. But feeling these emotions doesn’t make you a bad daughter/son or a bad parent. It’s completely natural to feel this way. So instead of pushing those feelings away — which has a way of making those emotions grow bigger and more stubborn over time – try to just acknowledge them.

I’m here to help

Being part of the sandwich generation isn’t easy. It’s emotionally, physically, and financially demanding, and it can sometimes feel like there’s no end in sight. But the fact that you are showing up to do the job of caring for both your child and your parent, means you are amazing!

You act of showing up, is a testament to how much you care about the people in your life — and that, in itself, is something to be proud of.

Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone and you don’t have to like it all the time.

If you would like emotional support while also learning about resources you can access specific to your particular caregiving journey, feel free to contact me. 

Thanks for reading, and take care of yourself. You deserve it!