Confidentiality: Is It Okay for My Child to Tell Me About Their Therapy Session?

Photo by Any Lane

Have you ever picked your child up from their therapy session and wondered, “What do they talk about? What’s coming up for them? Should I ask about their session, or should I leave it alone?” You don’t know what you’re “allowed” to ask about, and it’s making you so anxious!

The topic of confidentiality often comes up in conversations with the parents I work with, and it’s one I can relate to deeply as a parent myself.

​It’s not always easy to figure out how much you should know about your child’s therapy. After all, you want to support them, but you also want to respect their privacy.

So, in today’s blog, I’m talking all about confidentiality for children in therapy, why it’s important, and how you can talk about it with your child. 

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What Is confidentiality, and why does it matter?

Confidentiality in therapy basically means that what your child shares in sessions remains private. There are a few exceptions, like if your child is a danger to themselves or others. But, in general, the rule stands.

For children, confidentiality can be complex, especially legally speaking. Adults have a legal right to confidentiality when it comes to their health information (including therapy sessions). Children and teens don’t often have the same legal right, and it can get tricky especially for younger children.

But despite what the law says, therapists have an ethical commitment to maintain confidentiality for all their clients, including children.

​It can create a safe space where children can explore their emotions, thoughts, and challenges without fear of judgment or worry that everything they say will immediately get back to their parents. This is especially important for older children and teens.

I want to emphasize here: confidentiality is not the same as asking your child to “keep a secret” from their parents.

This distinction is critical because being asked to keep a secret can feel like a heavy burden, especially for children who’ve already gone through trauma. They might worry about saying the wrong thing or feel unsure about whether they’re allowed to share.

When explaining confidentiality, it’s important to let your child know that therapy is a safe and private space, but it’s not a secret they’re “not allowed” to talk about.

​They can choose to share as much or as little as they want with you or others, and there’s no pressure either way. It’s not about “keeping a secret,” it’s just about making sure their privacy is respected.

Why is confidentiality important for children?

As a parent, it’s completely natural to want to know everything going on in your child’s life – especially when it comes to something as significant as therapy.

You might think, “Should my young child really be keeping things from me? Isn’t it my job to know everything so I can help?”

I hear this concern often from the parents I work with, and I understand it completely.

As a parent myself, the idea of not knowing what’s in my child’s mind or heart can feel uncomfortable, even scary.

But here’s the thing: confidentiality in therapy isn’t about keeping secrets or “hiding” things from you. It’s about creating a space where your child feels safe to process their emotions, thoughts, and experiences without fear of judgment or consequence.

For a child, therapy can be one of the few places where they feel completely in control. This sense of autonomy is essential for building trust, not only with their therapist but also with themselves.

A real-life example: Let me paint a picture:

Imagine your child is struggling with a big feeling – anger, sadness, confusion, etc. – but they’re worried you’ll be upset, hurt, or disappointed if they tell you.

That doesn’t make you a bad parent. Maybe they’ve already seen you stressed about other things, and they don’t want to add to your load. Or maybe they’re just unsure how to put those feelings into words.

Without a confidential space like therapy, those feelings might stay bottled up. But with the assurance that what they share in therapy stays private, your child is more likely to open up and work through those emotions in a healthy, productive way.

This is where the magic of therapy happens. When children feel safe and supported, they start to explore and process emotions that might otherwise feel too “big” to handle on their own.

​And as they do this, they start to build confidence in their ability to navigate their inner world – a skill that will serve them well throughout their life.

How to explain confidentiality to your child

When talking to children about confidentiality, I always recommend keeping it simple and using words they’ll understand. It’s a concept that might feel abstract at first, so the goal is to make it relatable.

Here’s how I typically explain confidentiality to a young client I work with:

Coming into the playroom is your special time where you can do and say almost anything you want. What you do and say is private and you get to decide if you want to share it with mom/dad. The only time I would tell mom/dad about what you say is if 1) you give me permission to 2) you tell me someone is hurting you 3) you tell me you want to hurt someone else. 

That’s pretty much it but know that it can vary based on the child’s level of understanding and their age. 

Here are some other key ways to phrase it: 

• Keep it kid-friendly. For example: “When you go to therapy, what you talk about with your therapist stays private. It’s like a special safe place where you can share whatever is on your mind.”
• Reassure them. “If your therapist thinks you’re not safe or needs to share something to help keep you safe, they’ll let me know.”
• Avoid the word “secret.” You could say: “It’s not a secret you have to keep. You can always share what you feel like talking about, and that’s up to you.”
• Use examples they can connect with. I sometimes use analogies like, “It’s like when you share something special with a friend. You want to make sure they keep it private, so you feel safe sharing it.”

It’s also important to remind your child that they can ask questions about what confidentiality means. As a therapist, I dare say that we are pretty great at explaining this in a way that makes sense to children. But as their parent, you can reinforce the message at home, too.

What can child therapists share with parents?

One of the most common questions I hear is, “Am I going to be completely in the dark about what happens in therapy?” The answer is no, of course not. You’re such an important part of your child’s team. But there’s a balance.

As a therapist and a parent, I 100% understand that you want to be involved to support your child, and I’ll share information to help you do that. However, I also need to prioritize maintaining your child’s trust.

Here’s what you can expect your child’s therapist to share with you about sessions, in general:

1. General updates. Therapists often share themes or patterns they’ve noticed in sessions. For example, I might tell you: “We’ve been working on managing big feelings and practicing calming techniques.”
2. Collaborative strategies. If there are ways you can support your child’s progress at home, the therapist will guide you. For example, they might suggest routines, language, or tools to help your child regulate their emotions.
3. Safety concerns. If your child talks about something that raises red flags (e.g., danger to themselves or others), the therapist should inform you right away.

It’s a delicate balance, but it’s all designed to create a safe and productive environment for your child while keeping you in the loop as their biggest support system. 

I’m sure you may have some other questions about your child in therapy. Feel free comment below of send me an email about questions you may have. If your child is already in therapy with someone else, then be sure to direct your questions to your child’s therapist.

Get the recording: “Talking With Your Child About Difficult Topics”

If you’re looking for more guidance on navigating tricky conversations with your child, then you are in luck. I offer lesson recordings to help spread more awareness about these parenting topics that we all struggle with. Get the recording, “How to Talk to Your Young Child About Difficult Topics,” which includes 6 lessons and an hour of video content! You can learn more about this recording by clicking here. 

Thank you for reading, and as always, I’m here to support you on this journey!

Christine M. Valentín is a Registered Play Therapist™ who helps children 3-8 reduce their tantrums, Parents- improve their parenting skills and Adults - reduce their worry about an aging parent. As a Latina therapist, with 15 years of private practice experience, Christine loves helping people become a more confident version of themselves and develop better relationships within their family. To read her other blog posts, click here. Christine is also passionate about educating parents and mental health professionals. To learn about upcoming workshops and parent educational recordings, click here.