Improve my self-esteem? Be more positive and less stressed? Work on my personal relationship(s)? The list can go on and on. Regardless of what is on your Resolution list, it is important to remember there are certain aspects that must hold true in order to increase your chances of success and reduce the likelihood of failing to achieve your goals/desires for this year.
1). It Must Come From You- many of our intentions for change originate from good places but they are not often our own. In many cases, they can be other people's recommendations or beliefs of what we should look like, how we should be living our life and/or what type of relationship we should be in. And while you may want to pursue such changes, unless you truly have the desire to embark on the journey for yourself, the chances of success can be minimal. Therefore, make sure your goal is what YOU really want.
2). You Must Have a Plan - Once you identify what YOU want to work on, you then have to decide how to get there. Devising a plan can make the attainment of your goal much more realistic. For instance, if your goal is to improve your relationship(s), then sit down with a pen and paper and begin listing what specifically you want to improve, why it needs improving, and how you can do so. Essentially, you want to outline the steps you need to take so as to achieve your goal. Depending on your goal, this step can be difficult. Should you find yourself stuck, consider reaching out to family, friends or a professional to help you.
3) You Will Need Perseverance - Any aspiration worth attaining usually takes "blood, sweat and tears." In other words, hard work, dedication and sacrifice are usually required; Hence, why the first two points are extremely important. When things get tough, when you find yourself exhausted and want to quit, refer back to your reason(s) for pursuing your goal(s) and review your plan of action. Doing so can help reignite your spirit and give you more energy to continue forward.
Whether you are trying to lose weight, trying to improve your personal relationship or want to enhance who you are as a person, the above steps can be beneficial to achieving success.
What other strategies or recommendations do you believe can help? Please share them below.
Within my therapeutic practice, I often work with individuals who experience anxiety related to problems they are having in their relationship. While some individuals will question whether they should do anything different, others are unsure if they should put in any more effort. In order to help them with their uncertainty, I often encourage them to work on some of the key components I believe are important to having a healthy relationship.
Communication - Being able to openly and honestly talk with your partner about what is bothering you about the relationship is vital. Without this, you may find yourself not voicing your opinion about what bothers you, which can result in your partner believing everything is fine. The problem with one person believing everything is fine is they will continue engaging in the behavior you may find troublesome thereby increasing the chances of feeling resentment or irritation with your partner. Whether you are worried about your future, your sex life, your differences, etc., it is important to bring up any issues you have so that you can both work on improving the situation and resolving the problem.
Respect - Having to communicate your feelings about what may be a sensitive issue for you or your partner can be hard to do, especially if one person is hot-tempered and/or very emotional. As a result, it is important to remember to be respectful. Essentially, you want to avoid saying or doing things that you know will upset your significant other. For instance, if your loved one despises when you walk away from an argument, then don't. Or, if he/she hates when you scream then try to speak in a low, calm tone. Showing respect can also be done by refraining from accusatory statements that place all the blame on your partner as it will only cause him/her to become defensive.
Being in a committed relationship, especially when the honeymoon phase is over, is without a doubt challenging. While I realize the aforementioned suggestions are "easier said than done", it is crucial to understand that with patience and understanding a lot more can be accomplished as opposed to having anger and resentment.
Do you believe there are other important components to a successful/healthy relationship? If so, please share them below. .