Confrontation is an act many of us have engaged in as the result of trying to resolve a problem. For some people, confrontation is a normal part of the problem-solving process while for others it is something avoided at all costs. While there are many reasons one chooses to avoid confrontation, the root cause is usually the same - it produces anxiety. Below are a few reasons some people experience anxiety with regard to confrontation.
Fear of Being Disliked - voicing your opinion about what you feel is justified or fair ultimately means that the person sitting across from you may not like what they hear. As a result, they may not like you. For some individuals who want to be liked, need to be liked or simply do not want to ruin a relationship, forgoing a confrontation is viewed as the best way to maintain stability.
Afraid of Arguing - some individuals avoid confrontation for fear it will turn into a verbal altercation filled with angry outbursts and harsh words. For people who are afraid of arguing, the refusal to confront someone else is generally rooted in the desire to avoid a verbal fight. As a result, such individuals will generally concede to what is asked of them as opposed to saying otherwise -thereby leaving themselves open to being taken advantage of.
Inability to Articulate Thoughts - being involved in a confrontation often means emotions can get the better of you and impede on your ability to get your point across. Depending on who you are speaking with, this could lead to a person disregarding what you are saying. Should this happen frequently enough, it has the potential to cause a person to believe that expressing his/her thoughts is useless.
Confronting another individual can be hard for many people to do, especially if they are experiencing anxiety in relation to the reasons described above. And while some people will exhibit this type of behavior without any immediate consequences, the truth is, long-term avoidance may ultimately lead to getting taken advantage of, not achieving your goals and being unhappy. With some help, however, it is possible to learn new ways to overcome these issues so that you can be happy and get what you deserve out of life.
Do you have other reasons you would like to share about why someone may avoid confrontation? Or maybe you have overcome your own avoidance of confrontation? Please share your thoughts and/or stories below.
One common theme among clients I work with is low confidence. For some, low confidence can affect career goals, friendships and intimate relationships. Low confidence can cause a person to feel inadequate, care too much about what others think, and disbelieve or discredit compliments he/she receives. Below are a few recommendations that have the potential to boost your confidence.
1) Create an Accolade List - One recommendation I suggest to individuals who are struggling to remember the positive qualities they have is to create a list of positive feedback they have received. Whether it is about your work or personal life, listing your current and past accomplishments and the praise you received can help lift your spirits and remind you about the good you have to offer to others when doubt begins to surface. Keeping the list handy and referring to it frequently is key, especially when you are feeling down.
2) Pay Attention - nowadays we are so connected and involved with our devices that taking a moment to explore our surroundings is often considered a luxury. For those clients who believe no one is interested in them, I often challenge them to take a moment to remove his/her ear buds, look up from his/her phone and observe his/her environment. The purpose of this exercise is to get them to take notice of things they may have not realized is happening around them (i.e. the person admiring them from afar, positive comments from a passerby, etc.)
3) Increase Positivity, Decrease Negativity - building one's confidence takes time and insight. Tapping in to what makes you feel good about yourself, healthy eating, quality sleep and surrounding yourself with positive people are all key ingredients to making you feel your best. Positive people who support who you are and are willing to help you become a better person are essential to improving your self-confidence. Surrounding yourself with negative people, on the other hand, may make you feel weird like an outcast and/or unworthy; Attributes that can ultimately hinder your confidence and self-esteem.
The road to building your confidence is not smooth and sometimes there are some road blocks. The above suggestions can help start the journey. Have these suggestions worked for you? Do you have anything else you would recommend to someone who is trying to build his/her confidence? Please share your comments below.